Its about me and my family. Mainly me and the girls. I may twitter or tweet alot but its mostly thoughts and going ons here at home and thoughts about what we might be doing on weekend or our adventures. Sit down and Enjoy what you are reading.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My Mom..

Hi there. I have something to say about my mom again. This conversation was recent. You all know they came and helped us paint the house in Sept.

It was great spending time with her but for some reason she is so detached from me. I dont know why but she is. She has her way of seeing things and wanting things. I am spoiled ok and so is she but she goes over and beyond whats acceptable for an adult.

Mom had the guts to ask me before we had Bri if I had a choice which of the girls I would rather lose at that moment if I had a choice to lose. My mom said she would choose the unborn one. That was a while ago ok.. But more recently while they were here last was this:

We were in the kitchen and I was cooking dinner and she was at the table cutting something up for me. Anyway she asked how I handled myself with no TV. She asked what there was in life besides cleaning my house and spending time with my girls??

Excuse me isnt that why I had my girls was to spend time with them?? Ummm I dont get the why she asked. It upsets me slightly. I feel she has me because she wanted to prove to my dad she could get what she wanted when she wanted it. I dont think she had me because she really wanted me. I have never been really close to her and this pushed me even further away.

She talks about her animals when she is here like I am not even here in life. She tells me how much she misses her animals. I understand I am not living at home anymore but she treats her animals better than she has ever treated me. I think back on life sometimes and wonder how I wasnt taken away sometimes.

When I was about 10 my mother had a kitchen full of dishes that needed being done. She hadnt done dishes in weeks again. I mean there was still food in the pans, and it was moldy and just gross. She paid me and several friends to do the dishes. She never did the dishes right away. They always sat for weeks before she would do them. I have to admit my house now as an adult isnt perfect but I do not let my dishes set for weeks and weeks.

I think I may go like 2 days but I either rinse them before letting them sit that long or something. Gross just thinking about it.

I am not asking this to degrade my mother but has any one else had a life like this or had your mother ask you in similar questions about your children?? Just wondering. Its upsetting to know there are parents that dont care. What do you do when you are in this situation. My mom is always asking why she cant take the girls during the summer. Ummm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe if it wasnt her stupid ASSED questions like she has asked me in the past. Well anyway I need to go finish my laundry. I know I promised a part two of my Zoo pix but I will tomorrow or Thursday. I was thinking about this post for the last few days and needed to get it out before I forget.

Have a great day and I will hopefully make rounds in the next couple of days guys. I have a job interview tomorrow at 9:30 AM.. Talk to you all soon..


Wandering Coyote said...

Those are really bizarre things she's saying to you. She sounds very needy, and I would hesitate to send my kids to her on their own at this age.

My mom says all kinds of shit to me - I have had to learn that is has nothing to do with me; these are her issues and I don't have to take them on if I don't want to.

tweetey30 said...

WC my mom has always been a bit different and I have had to deal with them all my life. After the first incident I have been teased all my life at school because of it. Life has been tough. Hopefully it will get better.

Gardenia said...

I agree with Coyote - this off the wall stuff usually has little to do with us, and everything to do with thier own issues. My mother has done the same thing with her dogs. She has not visited any of us for a very, very long time because she "can't leave the dogs." They get treated WAY better than we did growing up. Maybe some parents can relate to animals who can't speak and reason but can't relate to humans, I don't know. My sister and I joke about mother having two families, "the dog family" and the "human family." We have to joke or we would maybe feel bad.

My mother constantly put me at risk as I grew up, and then took over with my son, and did the same with him. I was older and wiser when I had the girls and wouldn't leave them with her. They could visit, she could visit, but I didn't leave them because I started realizing, she was not like a normal parent.

The difference between her and I, is that I have spent my life seeking good mental health, but she thinks she's fine they way she is. She said she went to counseling "once" but quit because she didn't like what they told her. No one wants to be around her.

It's sad. But we can redeem it by being the best parents we can be, and truly attempt to listen to our own children and give them our time and take care of them, which you are and you do.

And we have to grieve our loss of not having much in the way of a mother (or father), then get on with life, because there is something with their personalities that they will not change, its everyone around them that has to accomodate them. Setting up boundaries and healthy ways for us and our children to relate to them is something we have to work on!

I think it is wonderful you don't have TV and you concentrate on relating to your family! Just think, you are setting the course for your future generations in a good way!

tweetey30 said...

Gardenia we own a tv but just have cable.. LOL.. we use our converter box to watch the game each sunday and also to watch movies. But thanks for all the wise words.. I dont want to sound like I am making excues for her but she had a hard life and I feel she is just as bad as her drunken mother and father. But she never drank. Its called something.I cant think of the word.. I was told by a councilor recently what its called.

Jeannie said...

Your mother was (is?) lazy. And has a lot of other issues too I suppose.

My mother is quite selfish too but she always kept the house perfect and good food on the table. Not so much for our sake I think but for her own reputation. Everything was always about how things looked.

Vancouver Voyeur said...

I've got an unusual mother too, but my relationship with my daughter sounds like your relationship with your mother. Right from the beginning I figured out my daughter didn't like me. It started around the time she was a toddler. She "needed" me, but she loved her dad and really didn't want anything to do with me unless she needed something. I just kind of rolled with the flow, just figuring she's a daddy's girl and it may or may not change and didn't get too concerned about it. Well, now she's 20 and she's never been very nice to me unless she wants something. She's very nice to people outside the family but her real love and attachments are to animals. She cares more about her animals than she does me, or other people for that matter, no question about it. I've talked to people about this before, trying to figure if there was something I did wrong as a parent when raising her or what could have caused this. I really can't see that there was anything I did or could have done to change this. From a very early age, she attached to animals. I would want to spend time with her or cuddle with her and I would be pushed away for the dog, cat, or whatever critter was around. She also didn't like playing with other children as much as she preferred the company of animals. I don't know that her attachment to animals is completely healthy, but she does have friends and boyfriends, so I can't say it's unhealthy either, but she spends every moment of her life in the company of animals and limited time with people. I guess it's good that her job is working with animals because that's the world she's most comfortable in, but I wonder what the reason was that she bonded with them instead of people. I know some autistic children relate better to animals than other children and wonder if she had a mild case of that as a child. Just not sure. But to this day, she'll say or do hurtful things that just dumbfound me and leave me shaking my head. When I call her on it, she doesn't see it, denies it, and then we end up arguing. So I just keep my mouth shut now, enjoy her company as best as I can for whatever few seconds she grants me and just hope she's happy with the life she's living.

CA said...

For what it's worth,-I wouldn't let what your mother says bother me too much if I were you. People are whoever they are and it usually has very little to do with anyone else,-even their own kids.
It's impossible figure what goes on inside someone else's mind.

People have weird thoughts about things sometimes and, a lot of those times, they couldn't even tell you why they are thinking those thoughts.
My step brother used to come off the wall with crazy stuff, like it sounds like your mother does. He asked me one time, "If you had three kids and were walking along a narrow ledge of a steep cliff and one of the kids started to fall off to his death, would you give your life to save him and allow the others to be in danger or would you save the two and let the one fall and be killed?" I told him,-that is a stupid question. How could I know unless it really happened. He thought my answer was weird. Go figure.

It just sounds like your mom is a bit off the wall but that's who she is and has always been. Just love her and thank her for you being alive. Evidently, she doesn't even know that she has a problem. Just don't let her problem become yours by worrying about it too much. She can't fix a problem if she doesn't know she has one and it's a cinch you can't fix it for her. Next time you see her, give her a hug and tell her you love her. You can never know how much you miss her until she isn't around anymore. Of course, it'd be too late then to even care, and you do care or you wouldn't let her bother you at all.

tweetey30 said...

Thanks everyone.. Every so often like this last visit with her was hard. She didnt want to do anything while she was here. She usually takes the girls around the block on her scooter and spends time with them. all she did was play at the computer while she was here. when she was outside with us she acted like she didnt want to be here. She respects nothing and then when something goes wrong its not her fault even if it is.. So you are right but I just wanted to know if anyone else had the same thing happen to them..