Hi all. I have been wallowing my self pity over a stupid 15 year old I was.. My grandfather, Ken's dad is in the hospital and I have been wondering why I said what I said when I was 15. I feel bad for saying those things.Here is the story and you tell me if I am wrong for feeling the way I feel.
When I was 15 my parents and a family friend and her late husband decided to go out to Las Vegas and live. Well I didnt want to go and we went anyway. I was leaving my friends behind again for the umteenth time in several years. Well anyway we go out there and my grandfather is an acoholic on top of this. Well I did ok at first but as time went on I got sick of watching things in life going on.
My dad started drinking with his dad every day and getting drunk. So I started rebelling. I started dumping beer cans when I could get my hands on them and then running because I knew they were both to drunk to catch me.. I hated it out there. I just hated it. I had no friends to talk to and when school did start I met this one boy and then he disappeared on me.
Well we left my grandfathers place to try and get some money to get me and mom home but that didnt work to well. Our car broke down in this one city I dont remember what it was. So we ended up back at my grandfathers house. Family friends ended up leaving months before we left. But her husband passed away a few months after going home.. They said if he would have stayed in Vegas he would have lived a while longer..
Anyway we were getting ready to leave my grandfathers place and I was so sick of the beer and watching him and my dad drink every day I told him I wouldnt be back out there until his Funeral..
Well guess what?? He isnt gone yet but very close to it. I wish I could make things better. Ken tried and called him before leaving this morning and his own father didnt even know who he was.. My grandfather has two weeks to live and I have no way of saying goodbye to him. I have told Ken's other two kids and his daughter sent flowers with all three of our names on the card. I feel part of a family with two older sibblings.
I feel so bad. I was crying so hard the other day when my mom told me that I couldnt see the keyboard any longer when I was e-mailing Kendal and Kimberly. So I have been alone with my thoughts and my what if's and such if things could have been different with the man..
I wish I could go but I cant. I would have to have to take the girls with me or have my mom come and stay here. Neither are comforting right now. But I will let everyone know what is going on as I learn more information. I am a horrible person sometimes because this isnt the first person I tried hurting before they passed on.. I was a horrible spoiled child and wish I could take every bad word I said back.
Ok Ok I am gone again and I will keep you all posted and I will try to make rounds later on in the next few days.. I am sorry I have been away..
Its about me and my family. Mainly me and the girls. I may twitter or tweet alot but its mostly thoughts and going ons here at home and thoughts about what we might be doing on weekend or our adventures. Sit down and Enjoy what you are reading.