tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post6982082759749910253..comments2023-09-20T08:20:21.213-04:00Comments on NBR's Spot: I am Wallowing in Self Pitytweetey30http://www.blogger.com/profile/04780963604845788306noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-18104933881552646992009-12-07T19:00:32.537-05:002009-12-07T19:00:32.537-05:00I was just catching up reading your posts. This on...I was just catching up reading your posts. This one really caught me up. I agree with everyone else about your not beating yourself up for what happened. You were young, you were hurt, it's understandable.<br /><br />I think the biggest job for you at this point is to truly forgive yourself. If you can do that then you'll be an even better person for everyone in your life. Go ahead, you're worth it. :-)Squirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09235466916480849429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-84583832066060845562009-11-23T12:51:37.022-05:002009-11-23T12:51:37.022-05:00I came back today to see if you had a new post up ...I came back today to see if you had a new post up yet. How's the job going? Also, I just remembered an old saying that I remembered: "I'd rather regret the things I said and did, than regret not saying or doing anything." At least you were present and participating in your life and trying to make it better. I think you would have more regrets if you never said anything about their alcoholism. Then you'd be plaguing yourself with the "what ifs" in life. What if I could have helped them, stopped them, said something. I think torturing ones self with the "what ifs" is worse than regretting saying something.VVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08751403913379728345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-74527978405144353322009-11-22T11:47:56.105-05:002009-11-22T11:47:56.105-05:00At some time, we all wish we could take back somet...At some time, we all wish we could take back something we have said to a loved one; or say something we didn't say,- and it hurts us terribly. But there is no calender for when our loved ones will pass away; no memo to inform us of the last chance we will have to say something nice to a dear one. We just have to wing it and hope for the best. And the hardest one in the world for us to forgive a perceived wrong, is ourselves. We will always be the ultimate judge who judges ourselves so we must judge, not harshly, but judge ourselves with compassion and understanding. When your heart is right, forgive yourself so you won't have to re-live a great pain over and over again. In his heart, I'm sure your grandfather forgave you long ago. Now, maybe it's time for you to honor him by forgiving yourself. Your friend, JimCa...https://www.blogger.com/profile/14853633712475346904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-23439788951080869282009-11-21T02:00:03.173-05:002009-11-21T02:00:03.173-05:00I agree with everyone else. I will expand on that ...I agree with everyone else. I will expand on that and say that I don't think you did anything bad at all. I think that you were not taken care of as you should have been by the people who were the adults in the situation. The best that can be hoped for is that the man has made peace with himself over HIS mistakes. As for you, I think that you were hurt, and being honest about it in a way that you were able at the age of 15. Which by the way is a very difficult age for most kids especially girls even in the best of situations.<br /><br />Turn it over to God, and do the best with your kids. That's my only advice, because that is all that I'm trying to do. It's regrettable that you can't go to the funeral, but I think in the grand scheme of things your wish to go will be what is important.Grizzly Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04140654835381345450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-1911426665085231972009-11-20T21:38:31.174-05:002009-11-20T21:38:31.174-05:00Don't beat yourself up over this. As others ha...Don't beat yourself up over this. As others have said, znd I agree....You were young and in fact really had more smarts about what was happening than those so called "adults". I understand feeling bad---I've had those kinds of thoughts too, because of something I said a long time ago, and in one case, not such a long time before the person died...You did what was right at the time, and that's all one can do. Be kind to yourself, my dear. Forgive yourself. You really didn't do anything that was wrong.OldLady Of The Hillshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02458879772193114892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-25033416757285564622009-11-20T20:45:25.733-05:002009-11-20T20:45:25.733-05:00Hey, congrats on the job. Thought I'd post he...Hey, congrats on the job. Thought I'd post here in case you don't get back to my blog right away. Great timing too before Christmas.VVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08751403913379728345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-907683209411786812009-11-20T09:35:50.827-05:002009-11-20T09:35:50.827-05:00Don't feel bad - at 15, we say all manner of t...Don't feel bad - at 15, we say all manner of things. I think at the time, you meant it and for just cause. Had he straightened himself out and made an effort to resume your relationship, you'd have gone back if you were able. As it stands, he likely doesn't even remember what you said. If he does, he doesn't hate you for it although he may hate himself for it. I think your grief stems from the realization that you will never have the relationship with your grandfather that we are "supposed" to have, but many of us never do. Don't fret. Try to remember something - anything - good about him if you have it then forgive him and forgive yourself. You aren't a bad person at all for what you said.Jeanniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15320507412459242451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-60337269183727542462009-11-20T00:34:45.133-05:002009-11-20T00:34:45.133-05:00We've all done things as kids without thinking...We've all done things as kids without thinking. Things were very hard for you at that time and you were doing the best you could - its hard on kids to move, and to live in the chaotic world of alcoholics. Perhaps part of your grieving now is a greiving for such an unfair childhood. We have no choice but to go on and do better with our own children . . . we can't change the past, just live today as joyfully and as well as we can. I pray that your heart heals and there is a resolution that you can feel good about. You are so right - your primary responsibility is to your daughters and your home now, you are right on track, though it is hard. You are a good person. Remember that!Gardeniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233358355888022857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-46792015032728036092009-11-19T17:49:50.670-05:002009-11-19T17:49:50.670-05:00Tweetey, bless your heart. I doubt there is a sing...Tweetey, bless your heart. I doubt there is a single person who hasnt said stuff at that age that they didnt live to regret. Im sure he even said hurtful things to folks when he was that age.<br /><br />It ok tweetey and it's time to forgive yourself. Adolscence is never easy.Beejhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12613166306376742575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36979815.post-78800338140237959762009-11-19T14:46:59.785-05:002009-11-19T14:46:59.785-05:00You did what you believed was correct at the time....You did what you believed was correct at the time. Correct me if I am wrong, but weren't your dad and grandfather the adults in this situation? Weren't you as a teenager showing more maturity in your disgust of their alcoholism? I wouldn't regret what you said or did. You said it out of love and frustration with them, trying anything to get them to change. You staying would not have changed anything, so don't let others make you feel guilty for not staying, saying grandpa would have lived longer if you stayed. It's not your responsibility as a child, to parent the adults in your life. They made their choices, which were bad choices. You made your choice out of self-preservation. I don't fault you for that.VVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08751403913379728345noreply@blogger.com