Its about me and my family. Mainly me and the girls. I may twitter or tweet alot but its mostly thoughts and going ons here at home and thoughts about what we might be doing on weekend or our adventures. Sit down and Enjoy what you are reading.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I feel Like a Total Fuck UP....

Hi all. Jeff and I have this whole weekend off together and we made plans to take a trip to Chicago today.. Well guess what. Its 2:14 AM and I am still up.. I cant sleep. I slept till 2:00 yesterday afternoon and now I cant sleep. Sure sleep in the car but I know me I am not going to be able to. I am such a Fuck up lately.

I have had this terrible headache for the last few days too. I havent slept well at all either so I dont know whats wrong. I have no worries. I have no stress. I am jusdt plain assed wore out and now this shit happens. I am trying to relax and spend time with my family but you know what its hard.

We are going to Chicago today because I promised the girls and then we are going to Abbottsford on Sunday to pick up my camera. We were going to Rice Lake but decided not to go. My sister in law was being on the iffy side and I didnt want anything to do with it. I dont care if I dont get to see my niece for a while yet I guess. I would rather just have my immediate family.

I am just sick and tired of fucking things up because of my work schedule and that is what is doing this to me. When I first started work I was only working till 4 and then coming home right away and going to bed but lately I cant do that. I need at least an hour to come down. That makes it 5 AM when I go to bed. Yikes..

I guess I am just fustrated with my hours and my job lately even though I was told just thursday night how well I am doing by a manager.. Not R but a different manager.

What to do??? I dont know anymore. I will tough out today I guess and then come home and go to bed right away basically..We are going to be outside most of the day so I will be really tired. And I will more than likely fall asleep on the way home.

I went to Wal Mart tonight to get a couple of Disposable camera's for our trip and I ended up getting some smore stuff. You should have seen Kora's face when I handed her's to her.. It was pure amazement. The photo's I take today I have no way of getting them on the computer. So you will just have to bear with me. We have a scanner but it doesnt work. Kora ruined it when she was about 3. She poured sugar in the back of it and I cant get it out.

I am anxiously awaiting my books to arrive in the mail for me to start school also. I wish they were here already. Where I can start my education. I am so looking forward to it this time around. I have tried this before and got no where but this time I am sick of where I stand at a certain place so I am going to better myself for my family this time around. I know I have bounced here but I am so sick and tired of alot of things. On Tuesday I will have photo's of my latest scrunchies. I found this beautiful Mexicana colored thread and some Red,White and Blue for the 4th of July.. Pretty neat how those turned out.

I just wish I could sleep. I might try in half an hour where I am not going completely sleepless. But I need to get going. I will have lots to tell you all on Tuesday as Jeff is home on Monday also.

Talking about that his hours still havent picked back up and they dont look like they are going to. they are looking at his hours being Tuesday through Friday until futher notice. Ten hour days.. Yikes..Anyway talk to you all soon. N..


Jeannie said...

Keeping irregular hours is hard on the system. I always need time to relax before I can sleep. I don't think there's much you can do about it. Maybe a glass of warm milk. I've heard that looking at the computer screen isn't good - it stimulates wakefulness so perhaps you should avoid coming to see us just before going to bed.

CA said...

It sounds like you aren't having a whole lot of fun.
I just read your last post and I am wondering about something. There is an old saying, "...too many irons in the fire..." What that means is, sometimes we have so many different things we are trying to do at the same time, we wind up not doing any of them, or not doing them as well as we'd like to,-or we spend a lot of time worrying about which one to do first or we wind up worrying about all of that at the same time and become confused or grumpy or just plain worn out from the worry.

When we can't 'just go on and do' what we want to, sometimes it makes us feel like a failure and we become 'down on' ourselves.
Maybe it's time to step back and put a priority of just one or two of the things you want to do and let the rest go for a while.
Like the siding on your house. Put it off for a while then decide if you really need it and if you can really afford to spend that money on it right now.
And if you can cut down on the number of things you worry about, maybe you will sleep better.

When you get your books, when will you find time to study? I'll bet you worry about that, too.

On your tingling hands; one thing that causes that is angina pectoris, a pain in the chest because of a spastic coronary artery.

Anyhow, good luck with your trip. I hope you can relax and enjoy it.

Gayle said...

Stress can make you very sick, Tweety, and you sound stressed out to the max! I hope it gets better because you desperately need some time to relax. I hope this weekend helps you.

Sorry for not being around more. I've got some stressful situations going on myself and am trying to chill out a bit.

Grizzly Mama said...

You are NOT a total fuck up - get that out of the way first off the bat. You're getting it done, and that is all that matters, really. It's not going to be perfect, ever! That really is okay.

I'm TRYING to get on a 4 day work week - 10 hour shifts. Three 12 hour shifts would be even better for me! lol. That's just me, though. I've worked those kind of shifts in the past, and I loved it.

Sorry about the problems sleeping - that sends me right over the edge faster than anything. I've found that drinking a cup of Sleepytime Plus tea sweetened with a bit of honey sends me off to sleep real nice. I'ts Sleepytime PLUS, though - it's got valerian in it which is an herbal remedy that helps you to sleep.

Hammer said...

I suffered through the lack of sleep thing for years. it's better now but I think it comes from worry and stress.

I think when you start school things will be better.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I hope you have a GOOD time even though you may be tired and sleeoy, too! Enjoy whatever you can, my dear.
That work schedule sounds really really hard....It turns your whole day around so it's no wonder you cannot go to sleep...I hope you can get that worked out....!

Gardenia said...

The way you are feeling probably has a lot to do with those crazy hours! My daughter always is struggling because of the night shifts. Then on a person's day off, trying to shift the body back to day schedule is hard.

As CA says, you have a lot of irons in the fire too, my gosh. I don't know where you will squeeze in school. I seem lots of mammas here doing it (meet up with them at the bsseball field) but I don't know how you all do it - the schedule would kill me.