Hi all. I have to let go some where and some how. I am ready to give up on life in general. I am not talking about killing myself just giving up. Giving our house back our car back. Just giving up. No one is hiring right now and we are under so much stress. We are fighting again. We are always arguing. The girls are fighting. They cant find common ground.
I have tried two different temp agencies. One had a job and it was perfect even if it was just through the holidays. It was at a local candy factory. I liked that one. It paid 8.50 an hour plus it had overtime. You would work from 3:15 PM to 1:15 AM. and then Fridays were from 3-11. But when she called me this morning it was taken already.
Then I have a chance of a job Monday with the other agency. I had to buy steel toed shoes today for that one even though we couldnt afford it. I am crying as I write this because I am so sick and tired of being me. I feel like shit since I left McD's. I feel like I should never have left even though they treated me like shit. I made up my mind and now I am not making things better.
I am just making life miserable. I am depressed. I want to sleep all the time. I just dont feel like doing anything in life right now. Sure we got the house fixed up but with money we couldnt afford to borrow but we did.
My ebay business thing isnt going anywhere because you know what?? No one is bidding on the things I put on ebay. I thought those scarves would go like jack rabbits because they are different. I need money and I need lots of it fast. We have more bills than we have money coming in right now. Even with a budget its not enough.
We may also have to sue someone here soon. We got a bill and then this person never told Jeff how much or explained the billing process of this bill. I am so sick and tired of it. I just want out sometimes again. This is how I felt right before I started at McD's. I just wanted to give up on myself and my marriage because that is just how and what needs to be done.
Anyway I am going for now. I have photo's for you but I dont feel like down loading them onto the computer right now. I just dont have the energy to do much about anything. I just need sometime alone and apart. I am just hoping that I get a job Monday morning with this second Temp Agency or else I am going to scream bloody murder. Or someone calls back in the next week.
Life in our household is not doing so well anymore.
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5 comments:
I am so sorry to read about your dilemmas.....It seems so unfair when you really try so hard. I PRAY that something comes through for you very very soon---Like Right Now! Don't give up, my dear....Things have to get better.
I'm sure everything looks very very grim right now but you managed to pull through before - and look how you held on while so many weren't. I'm sure you'll find something before long. What about babysitting?
Boy do I know how stressful the money thing can be and getting screwed by others when you try to do the right thing. The biggest secret I've learned in my life is to just breathe and keep plodding slowly forward and ahead. This too shall pass. You will find a way through it or around it. Don't give up.
Focus on what you CAN do right in this moment. Sometimes I just had to bake a damn cake because there wasn't another damn thing that I could do - and I needed something fun to do with the girls so I wouldn't lose it.
Hang in there. Take a deep breath, chalk it up to a bad day and concentrate on what you can do.
Oh Tweetey, I know how you feel. We are having some really dark days around here. Sometimes I can't sleep. It may not be obvious how to keep paying bills...I know exactly what you mean. But just try to pay one at a time. Sell furniture if you have to. The kids can play on pillows on the floor. Can you find a good warm church? Maybe see if you can and find some support. You need to see that it will work out. You've been through worse.
Try to remember you're not alone. Seriously sometimes Stagg and I are just making a sandwich at night for supper. Hang in there. What about offering up a service to hep elderly people run errands. To shop for people who can't shop...or take them to a doctors. I know a lot of retired people dont't like to pay a taxi. But they would probably pay for gas and time. You could shop, or help they tidy their kitchens. It wouldn't be a lot...but if you had two clients a day...the money would add up.
I'll try to keep thinking of ideas. I didn't know you two were going through a rough patch.
chin up...give the kid a big hello for me.
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